The Autism College Connection

There are six days until January 2nd, but who’s counting? [Raised hand emoji]

Every parent of a neurodiverse teen and young adult is counting the days until high schools, programs, and colleges begin again. Our kids are creatures of habit. Without some outside force telling our kids to go to English class at 9:00, Social Studies at 10:00, and Gym class at 11:00, some of our guys will become unglued over the holidays. 

Winter break might have its challenges, but it can become an opportunity for growth.

Our kids can gain skills, rather than lose them, with some help from us. 

Managing free time is a soft skill that isn’t taught in schools. Schools must pack in as much learning as possible during the school day about history and calculus. After school, students might have after-school clubs and activities, along with social skills classes, math tutoring, and therapy. We keep all our kids, neurodiverse or not, very busy these days. 

However, few people have such packed schedules into adulthood. Most people won’t participate on a soccer team or a marching band after high school. This world that we’ve created for our children is an aberration. The majority of their life will be outside the workplace or a college classroom. After a 30 to 40-hour work week, people must keep themselves busy with hobbies, chores, social activities, and exercise. 

So, overlook their discomfort with their free time. Your young person will need to learn to enjoy this unstructured time. They need to complete tasks, both fun and boring, without your oversight and direction. They need to discover their interests and passions, whether it is European soccer matches or Nintendo video games. 

One of the defining features of autism is an abiding passion — an obsession for some — in particular subjects or things. My son loves anything to do with computers, video games, and music. Right now, he’s upstairs doing “computer stuff” — I don’t fully understand what he does and just call it all “computer stuff.” So, allow them the non-judgmental space to pursue those interests. And balance it with a few well-defined responsibilities that they can complete at any time during the week, like laundry, dog walking, or bed-making.

For young people who are too comfortable staying at home, use this time to go places. Create a bucket list of local adventures within an hour of your home. Hike up a mountain to see a waterfall. Visit a museum. Try a new restaurant in a nearby city. 

I learned when my son was little that challenge brings growth. Discomfort helps all humans level up. So, their discomfort with free time is good for them. Their discomfort with trying new foods and leaving their homes is good for them. Of course, parents have to be vigilant that their kids don’t get too upset. A little discomfort is good, but torture is bad. 

So use this time to push the envelope — it’s a time to explore new spaces and learn essential skills that cannot be taught in any school. And, you might discover that you’re enjoying the break in routine and the travel to new places, too.